taking the blind out of blind date

Taren here! I will be taking care of a question we received from a Ms. Francis Billabong.

Dear T.G. and M.C.

My friend wants to set me up with this guy. I don't know that I'm okay with being set up with some stranger. I trust my friend, but how can I be sure that he won't be some freak-show?

Signed,
Completely Confused

Dear Completely Confused a.k.a. Francis,

I'm not going to sugar coat this. Numbers don't lie, and the fact of the matter is 80% of set ups are freak-shows, because 80% of people don't need to be set up. You do that math. I'll do it for you: there is an 8 out of 10 chance this guy is a poorly dressed, socially awkward gamer, who hasn't left his basement in weeks.

I found an answer within your question (I'm pretty good at what I do). You said: "I trust my friend". I guess that is all you can do at this point...

WRONG!!!

Wrong wrong wrong on so many levels. In today's world (and considering the previously mentioned statistics) you must be absolutely sure!

There is a simple 8-step solution to your problem:
1. Myspace stalk him.
2. Facebook stalk him.
3. Google him.
4. If the first three steps yield little or no results, get his address.
5. If one or more of steps 1-4 work out and he has... neck hair, a Voltzwagon Bug, listed "girls" and/or "cuddling" in his interests, or his shoes are laced too tight, just say no!
6. Tell your friend to get a 3 page essay from him, entitled "Why You Should Date Me."
7. Only be available to go out at 9 a.m. This will weed out all potential Dungeons & Dragons addicts.
8. Request a urine sample.

If he passes, there is a 30% chance you will enjoy yourself.

Happy dating!
Taren